SS Richard Montgomery Matter
True weird sex stories
KARL WATKINS, 20, appeared at Hereford Crown Court in February 1993 on five
counts of outraging public decency: in particular, making love to pavements.
Watkins claimed it was a case of mistaken identity, but he was fingered many
times as the man found face down on the paving stones with his pants round
his ankles. One boy told of seeing Watkins's bare backside moving up and
down, while a mother said she was shocked to see a group of children gathered
round him. He also attempted to mount an underpass. How he passed the time
during his 18 month jail sentence is far from clear.
Watkins was back in court in April 1995, on charges of simulating sex with
black plastic dustbin bags in front of teenage schoolgirls. He revealed a
nine-year fetish with the plastic sacks, centred on the "feel and touch of
the bin liners". He went out at night to spend his time in rubbish piles, and
had been found in wheelie bins, and even in the back of dust-carts. His
ultimate sexual fantasy was to be in a dust-cart when the bin bags were
crushed. Convicted of outraging public decency, he was put on three years'
probation and ordered to seek psychiatric help.
AT DOBBIGAN, in Yuro County, California, a cult known as the Church of the
ABC of Abraham erected a rather startling monument in May 1995. The cult is
led by one Caligula Croesus Spurtyn which, astonishingly, is his original
name and appears on his birth certificate, and its monument, made of Sicilian
marble and dappled with veins of Corsican jasper, is a 244-foot high, 57 foot
circumference replica of Spurtyn's penis. The replica is also topped by an
eternal flame which, one rather suspects, is probably not present in the
original. Shortly after the unveiling, a Mexican restaurant owned by the cult
was shut down when it was discovered that one of the condiments used there
was Spurtyn's semen.
THE COLONIAL INHABITANTS of New York were amazed in 1702 to see their
governor, Lord Cornbury, open the state assembly on behalf of Queen Anne,
wearing a hooped skirt and head-dress and carrying a fan. "You stupid
people," he told those who gasped. "I represent a woman and I ought to do so
as faithfully as I can." Soon afterwards he adopted women's dress at all
times, at which point he was sent back to England, probably to the great
relief of all concerned.
IN SEPTEMBER and October 1986, Timothy Adrian Ward, 32, exposed himself to
women horse riders near his home in Middlesbrough. At the time he wore a
full-length rubber wet-suit, a gas mask, and had two hot water bottles
dangling on a piece of string round his neck. When he was arrested at
Thornton-le-Beans, near Northallerton, police found wet- suit, gas mask, hot
water bottles, rubber gauntlets, two pairs of Wellingtons, a pair of cut-off
waders and a yellow rubber coat in his car. He was prosecuted in court, fined
L250 and had his gas mask confiscated.
A LOS ANGELES BUSINESSMAN, identified only as Arnold G., proposed to his
girlfriend Carol in 1984 and asked her parents for their consent. After the
engagement had been announced, Carol's father took Arnold aside and told him
his daughter was born by artificial insemination because he was unlikely to
father a child. He named the sperm bank, which turned out to be one that
Arnold had donated to as a student. Arnold obtained a court injunction to
inspect the records and found that he was the father of his bride-to-be, and
806 other children. The wedding was called off.
A SWEDISH TAXI DRIVER was jailed in October 1994 for leaving the meter
running while he had sex with a woman customer and billing her for L5,600.
The 34-year-old driver said the bill included 25 occasions of "sexual
coitus", charges for trips, hotel and telephone costs, as well as a 25 per
cent sales tax. The court decided that he was exploiting the 49-year-old
woman, convicted him of usury, sentenced him to three years' jail, and
ordered him to pay her back.
UTE WINTER, 29, was the wife of a football club president in Mainz, Germany.
Her husband Klaus was obsessed with the club, raising funds for a new
clubhouse and personally mixing cement for it at the weekends, leaving blonde
Ute to her own devices. One day she took a fancy to one of his players... and
before long she had slept with the whole of the first team, all the reserves,
and had started into the over-40s old-boys eleven, bringing her score up to
28, all footballers, by the end of the 1985 season.
The first sign of trouble came when Klaus arrived home and discovered Ute in bed with his star
striker. He decided to forgive his wife to avoid a scandal, later found her with the outside-left in a back room at the clubhouse; the goalkeeper in a car; and the inside-right in his own living room. Klaus decided that was enough, his friends told him Ute's full-time score. He was granted a divorce.
AN OPTICIAN appeared in court at Brasschaat, Belgium, in March 1995, and his
lawyer Henri Janssens admitted that the charge was technically true: before
prescribing contact lenses, his client did frequently ask women to strip
naked and dance around his consulting room while he played the
accordion. However, Janssens claimed that there were mitigating
circumstances: his client had qualified in England where, he assured him,
such techniques were commonplace. The optician was later acquitted.
WEDDING GUESTS got something of a surprise when they sat down to watch a
video of the reception in Sussex in 1994. The man shooting the reception
pictures had borrowed the video camera from Derek Jeffrey, 59, who had
forgotten to erase the footage on the tape. As the wedding video came to an
end, the guests were shocked as the screen flickered and filled with a
pornographic 10-minute movie of Jeffrey committing acts of bestiality with
his neighbour's dog. He was seen lying on a bed, naked but for his socks,
with a Staffordshire bull terrier called Ronnie.
Brought to court, Jeffrey said that he made the film after he and three
friends had watched a video called Animal Farm showing women having sex with
animals. Besides admitting to being drunk at the time, he said that he made
the video to prove such pornographic movies used trick photography, and that
no sex had actually taken place with the dog. The jury failed to believe him,
and he received a six-month suspended sentence.
IN VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia, an intruder entered a woman's unlocked apartment
in 1981 while she was asleep. He then forcibly covered her face and clothed
body with chocolate and vanilla cake frosting. He reportedly told his victim
that she should have known this would happen if she left her doors unlocked.
TWO ARMED MEN boarded a Los Angeles bus in 1982, made the male driver take
the wheel and took his woman companion to a back seat. One of the gunmen gave
her an unidentified white tablet, telling her: "If you wake up you won't be
able to identify us afterwards." Then he stripped her, tied her up, and
smothered her naked body in tartar sauce.
RATHER WORSE was Steve Symons, 21, of March, Cambridge. When he saw a girl he
fancied, he cut the brake pipes on her car, causing 11 young ladies to have
narrow escapes in 1988. He had an obsessive sexual fantasy about women being
unable to stop their cars. When arrested, he told police that he was a virgin
and didn't have a clue about women. He was also found to have a bag full of
bicycle pedal rubbers that he'd stolen.
FIRE FIGHTERS were called to a house in Knoxville, Tennessee, in April 1995
when neighbours smelled something burning. There they found the nude body of
a 16-year-old boy and called in police. Confronted with posters of
heavy-metal rock groups and a cow's heart attached to the boy's genitals,
they at first thought they were dealing with a ritual murder. However, they
then found several underground pornographic magazines under the boy's bed,
one of which, Ovid Now, described a 'sex-toy' that could be made from the
fresh heart of a cow, a simple electrical circuit and some batteries. The
dead heart is made to beat, and then used sexually in a perversion which is
apparently gaining popularity in the rural South. The trouble was, the boy
had wired up the heart and plugged it into the wall-socket. He died of
electrocution, and the electricity had then cooked his remains.
A SHY STUDENT, identified only as 'George', was erotically obsessed with his
Austin Metro. The 20-year-old lived at home with his strictly religious
parents and had no sexual experience of women at all. He began to fantasize
about other Metros he'd seen, but his own was special and photos of it
adorned his bedroom. Its front reminded him of a smiling child, and its rear
end aroused him. He would seek out quiet places where the two of them could
be alone, and then he'd crouch down by its smoking exhaust pipe and
masturbate. He was described as "confused but happy". His doctors prescribed
a course of "orgasmic reconditioning".
DR STRANGELOVE was the name police gave to Professor Tom Lippert, the man
with the electric sex-machine. Like something out of a mad-scientist B-movie,
the 25-year-old business lecturer at a Minnesota college had built the
machine in the basement laboratory of his New Ulm home in 1975, assisted by
21-year-old Harold Tenneson. The next step was to find a guinea-pig.
Blonde student Susan Cochrane, 21, advertised for a lift home and accepted
an offer by phone. Lippert and Tenneson picked her up, produced a revolver,
forced her to drink a bottle of whisky, then drove her, bound and gagged, to
the professor's home. Lippert, of course, was a man of honour who'd never
force his attentions on a woman; but he was quite prepared to use his
electric love-machine to make her fall in love with him.
The men carried Susan down into the professor's basement, donned white coats
and assembled an array of apparatus. They wrapped her in a sheet and strapped
her to a board, after which Lippert spent an hour explaining his passion,
before she was unstrapped and shut in a box full of electric wiring. Lippert
pulled the switch, but nothing happened: he'd forgotten to plug in the
machine. This was fortunate, as he then realised that the voltage was too
high, and his victim would have been killed.
Even so, Lippert kept Susan prisoner under threat of death for a month,
warning her that if she tried to escape her family would suffer. She was
allowed to phone to tell them she was all right, which she was, as Lippert
hadn't touched her. The nearest he got was one night in a storm, when he made
her sleep with him; but then he simply lay for hours beside her with his
Finally, Lippert and Tenneson found a low-voltage generator, strapped Susan
in the box again, and threw the switch. She felt a faint tingling, but no
love for the professor. And before the men could try the experiment again,
the FBI turned up, having traced Susan's phone-calls to her worried family.
She was released unharmed, while Lippert and Tenneson were taken to jail to
face kidnapping charges.
A SOCCER-MAD WIFE in Austria became obsessed with her country's World Cup
football star Hans Krankl in 1978. Named only as Annemarie, the 30-year-old
woman built an altar in her bedroom before his life-size portrait, put fresh
flowers in front of it every day and lit two candles, before adoring him in
the nude. When she refused to make love with her 40-year-old husband Erwin
unless he prayed as well, he sued for, and was granted, a divorce.
RATHER MORE BIZARRE was the 1992 case of the unnamed 32-year-old woman with a
long history of paranoid schizophrenia. She became convinced that Donald Duck
had told her of his love for her via her neighbour's satellite dish. She was
eventually found sitting in the satellite dish masturbating, under the
impression that the cartoon duck was making love to her.
A 53-year-old married Bulawayo man arrested on a charge of bestiality left a
court in shock after he claimed that he has been having sex with different dogs
for the past 12 years.
The self-proclaimed dog 'Casanova', Ndumiso Sibanda (53) pulled another shocker when he said he preferred dogs over his wife. Sibanda has been married for 27 years, meaning that he has been CHEATING on his wife with dogs for the better part of their marriage period.
"I have been having sex with dogs for 12 years. At times I would run away from my wife and have sex with dogs," he said when he appeared before Western Commonage magistrate Mr Richard Ramaboea who remanded him in custody to 13 September and recommended that he undergoes psychiatric evaluation premised under Mental Health Act.
It is reported that sometime last month, Sibanda was at his Homestead alone. Taking advantage of the situation, he decided to do what he has been accustomed to. He is said to have lured one of the dogs to his hut. The man reportedly took off his clothes in preparation for the sex feast. He is alleged to have gone on to play the 'insert the sausage' game with the dog.
Supposedly having failed to satisfy is sexual zest with just a single round, Sibanda allegedly gave the dog a steamy second round of sex romp. While he was still in the act, a herd boy reportedly got into his hut without knocking and caught him RED HANDED. Sibanda allegedly begged the herd boy not to tell anyone. However, the worker found it difficult to keep what he had seen a secret and told other people.
The news spread throughout the village like a veldt fire and it finally got to the man's wife who confronted him. After confessing to the act, the woman reported the matter to the police and Sibanda was subsequently arrested.
PANIC SWEPT THROUGH LAGOS, the capital of Nigeria, in October and November
1990. Men going about their usual business were stopping to look anxiously
into their pants or feel their crotch, and keeping an eye out for mysterious
strangers who were said to be roaming the bustling streets and markets. The
strangers were thought to be evil wizards who could instantly dematerialize a
man's private parts, usually after shaking hands or some other slight bodily
contact when they asked for directions. The missing items were said to turn
up in a thriving witchcraft market, where they sold for hundreds of pounds.
Within a week of the rumours starting, the nation was in the grip of
hysteria. A riot broke out in Enugu when a man boarding a bus shouted that
his penis had vanished. The man in front of him was dragged off the bus and
beaten. Fearing a lynching, a policeman fired warning shots, but only made
matters worse by killing the bus driver and badly injuring a woman and her
child. During this period, four suspected sorcerers were beaten to death, and
stories circulated that women's breasts were being stolen too. Yet although
dozens of suspected organ thieves were attacked, no one was actually found to
have lost his tackle, nor did any of the missing goods actually turn up in
Fucking should be twinned with dildo as they would make a fine pair!
Cunter twinned with Dildo
Man felled by dildo in Australia ( newspaper clipping) (jpg)
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