SS  Richard Montgomery Matter

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 LATTE MONEY the surprisingly high amount of cash spent on daily incidentals,

like coffee, newspapers.

MUFFIN TOP . the prevalent sight of tummies spilling over hipster jeans.

Originally, seen as 'beer bellies' on menfolk.

TESTICULATING Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was

missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on

everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement

by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only

to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm,

and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also

applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO. The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn

into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with

the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an

electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank

and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly

inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not

Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've

just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all') New Oxford Dictionary definitions

GOING FOR A McSHIT Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of

buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff

member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is

known as a McShit with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'blackbox'.

AUSSIE KISS Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze

cruise at 3am in the morning.

BEER COMPASS The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after

booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how

you got here, and where you've come from.

BOBFOC Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

BREAKING THE SEAL Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of

drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the

toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please"

GREYHOUND A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical

adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the

badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to

show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when

viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:

"Oo!Oo!Ho! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in

the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people

so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before

you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter

in your bed instead.

NELSON MANDELA Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

PEARL HARBOUR Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl

Harbour" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO BUM A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like
she's got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive woman.

TART FUEL Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.


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